Day 3-What was I Thinking?

Didn’t we all know this would happen?  I feel behind!  Trying to write a post a day is just too much for me!  🙂  But the REAL me handles this kind of reality with a little less panic and a lot more openness to what CAN work.  So for today, you will get basically a stream of conscience .  There will be little to no proofreading and definitely no re-writing, re-reading and general “making it sound good.”  Are you ready for that?

Today’s word is “allowing.”  And I’m going to make a subtle change, suggested to me by my dear friend, M.  No more “ing.”  Try it out.  Doesn’t “allow” feel different from “allowing?”  We both thought yes, so from here on out, no more past present participles (or whatever you call “ing”).  With that, I will allow you an inside peek into the mind of Good Girl/me. . .

Allow…..

Can I allow myself to just be?  Can I allow Big C to be bored?  Do I always need to provide her with something to do? I certainly believe so.  Am I just passing Good Girl’s need to be DOing all the time to the next generation of Good Girls?

I think I often still believe it has only been a good day when you’ve been productive.  Isn’t this kind of true?

Is this process hard because receptive states need active states to balance them out?  This reminds me of the Waldorf view of rhythm…..balancing in-breath with the out-breath.

Today, I allowed a bed picnic (cuz that’s what I really wanted to do-stay in bed!) but it was really hard to execute.  As in mental angst ensued.  I mean some people go to India to meditate for months, years.  I feel the need to retreat often.  I call them bed days and I always feel guilty for them.  Am I having angst during these moments (bed picnics, unproductive times) because I’m always thinking of what’s next?  Not allowing the moment to be.

Seems to me, there is an Ebb and Flow to life.  Yet we are given the impression that we are the ultimate control of how we feel….if you are wanting a bed-day, you must…

-change your diet

-get more exercise

-use aromatherapy

-have a better rhythm

But is there a bigger flow that is beyond us that accounts for our feelings (reminds me of Tao).  Is the energy of the weather, the season, the people around me, the atmosphere, the earth, all affecting me.  It’s winter.  Is it any wonder I want to stay snuggled in longer?  But as I said to E the other day, I don’t like Ebb.  Sorry buddy, but I’m really uncomfortable in the Ebb.

I’m wondering what does it look like when someone embraces the ebb?  Do we have any models of this?  Do I know someone who embodies this?  (Why yes, actually I think I do-you know who you are!)

As the girls lost interest in the bed picnic, I stayed.  Trying to allow.  Staying in the moment till the flow grabbed me and took me to what was next.  I laid there for a long time.  Doing nothing.  Just laying.  Listening to the sounds of ABC yoga bubbling up from my two cuties.

And then I got up and we all went for a walk.

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